This chain of events started when my best friend bought me the book, He’s Just Not That Into You for Christmas. I had the biggest crush on the guy who lived down my hall. In fact, I would time my appearances in the dining hall to coincide with his meal schedule and choose my routes around the dorm to maximize my chances of bumping into him. But after almost a whole quarter of my obsession, I decided that enough was enough and that if he didn’t reciprocate after giving him so many opportunities, that he “just was not that into me”.
It’s funny how things turn around. The last day of the quarter before break, he and I were hanging out in my room. No longer restrained by the awkwardness of attraction, we were chatting while giving each other back massages. Eventually, we found ourselves fooling around and after a few steamy moments on his bed he asked me to get a condom and I obliged.
I didn’t feel attracted to him at all; I just wanted to have sex. From our massage chat I learned that he was a virgin. In retrospect, I should have considered his feelings more; a random one-night stand is not the most memorable way to lose your virginity, and I was taking that moment away from him. But at that moment, I must admit that I didn’t care about him at all. I was just thinking about myself.
I know that men get a power kick out of having sex with virgins but what about the other way around? It’s a power dynamic that was completely new to me. Instead of the usual reciprocity, I found myself confronted with almost complete sexual dominance. So I blanked. He was nervous, I was nervous. Erections went limp, vaginas went dry. I tried to reassure him that he was doing it right. I answered his questions of, “how is it” with the parroted, “it’s really good”. I tried my best to be understanding and to not let my disappointment and frustration show. But the night ended anti-climatically, with two used condoms and zero orgasms.
I’m not saying don’t have sex with people less experienced than you are. In fact, I bet it could be a great experience! But if you do, let me offer the following words of advice (I must apologize that this essay is very heteronormative, as I don’t have much experience in anything else):

For the experienced girls:

Do not put so much effort into making the guy ejaculate. Too many girls think that this is the ultimate marker of their sexual abilities. Just enjoy yourself! Don’t be afraid to take control if he seems to be unsure.

If he seems nervous, don’t keep going. Try taking a break for a while and doing something else, like oral sex, hand job, or other romantic things. It’s a good way to take your mind off the pressure of performing.

If he asks you if he is good, don’t lie. If he’s not good, don’t tell him that he’s the best you’ve ever had. Just speak plainly (without putting him down). For example, “Everyone is trying to figure it out their first time”.
For the guys who have sex with more experienced girls:

Do not be intimidated or threatened by a more experienced woman. Try to have positive feelings, such as flattery and confidence that she is willing to share her body with you. Do not be afraid to let her “take the reins” so to speak. Who knows, you may be rewarded mentally and sexually.

Do not feel like you have to ejaculate. Putting too much emphasis on ejaculation places a lot of stress and hampers erection. Just enjoy yourself!

Remember, mindset is everything! You won’t enjoy yourself sexually if you don’t feel comfortable and at ease.