I just gave My Crush a gift I bought from China. He didn’t even say thank you.

I think I’m slipping back into temporary depression. All my friends have left, I won’t see them again for 6 months because I’m studying abroad in Oxford next quarter. This quarter I got to know My Crush really well and we became friends, but I think I undid all of that by telling him I like him and now things are super awkward. I think its impossible for two people to maintain a purely friendship relationship if one of the parties has feelings for the other. I guess I just feel like I don’t really matter to anyone. That I can just leave, and no one really cares that they won’t see me for a long time.

Is there even anyone at school that really cares about me? I feel like I don’t have any really genuine friends here. I can’t think of anyone at school who I would call if I ran into an emergency. Everyone is too tied up in their work and can hardly spare time to pencil me in to their busy schedules. Whenever I eat with anyone, I can sense them itching to leave and return to their work. Being a college student is such a lonely experience. You are surrounded by a higher concentration of similar aged peers than you will ever enjoy in your lifetime, but yet you cannot make a deep connection with a single one of them.

That’s why on a Friday night I am alone with my computer listening to the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack.

Maybe going abroad will be good for me. I will finally get out of this Stanford bubble; maybe the British  aren’t as self-absorbed as American college students.

2/2/2 bad day at work + little sleep + nobody likes me