Twenty years ago today, the Chinese Communist Party sent armed troops against peaceful student protesters demanding corruption.  ”Liu Si” is the Chinese way of referring to the Tiananmen Incident, meaning six-four (i.e. June 6). That date will forever be engraved in my head. Gravely, liu si in Chinese numerology means flowing death – a calendrical omen of the streets overflowing with corpses, in striking similarity to the feeling of 911. Two days later, we will be celebrating D-Day, memorializing the dead from another kind of battle. Sometimes I wonder why we remember so many sad events in history.

BTW – this blog is blocked in China.

I’ve always wanted to hack into the google headquarters and see what are the most common search terms. From looking at the statistics of my website, I can get somewhat of an idea. Hey, I do it too. In the privacy of my own room when no one is looking, I’ve searched for some pretty embarrassing terms. Like when I first started dating and googled, “how to be a good kisser”, or when I gave in to the media hype about the singer from hong kong and typed in, “Edison Chen sex scandal pictures”. If google were to publish a study about this, it would be an amazing snapshot of actual social attitudes that are publically repressed.

I’ve been following American Idol this season because I’ve recently been struck by Indian fever and have fallen in love with Anoop. Unforunately, he’s been voted off – but Adam Lambert has recently caught my attention. An extremely talented, confident, 27 year old from San Diego and favored to win the competition. But people are asking: can a gay idol win? I thought this quote from a NYT article (#7 on the most read rankings) was quite telling.

Unlike other reality shows, said Joe Jervis — a gay activist blogger whose recent mention of Adam Lambert on his site Joe My God generated 50,000 hits from people searching the term “Is Adam Lambert Gay?”

Yes. Before you even ask, I’ve typed that in as well. Pretty much verbatim too. Yeah – we all talk about how sexual orientation doesn’t matter, just like how we shouldn’t talk about people behind their backs, but in the end, people eat up scandal and gossip like vultures descending on prey. I can’t explain it nor can I say I like it; the only thing I can do is admit that I am guilty of it as well.  It would be an interesting experiment to see how many visitors find my site via that search term.

This post is inspired by this NYT article

The US and other countries are seeking to spend millions of dollars on swine flu, a threat which has a death toll of 1 in the US and ~100 worldwide. The panic surrounding swine flu has caused numerous organizations to label it an ‘emergency’. Yet where is the political mobilization and alarm surrounding other killers? This year, 13,000 dead from ordinary flu, and 14 from guns in school. 25 dead in Mexico versus 6,000 dead from illegal drug trafficking in Mexico. Where is the state of emergency for these ‘chronic’ threats? One may argue that we don’t have the resources to respond to all these threats, but our response to swine flu clearly shows that we do but just don’t care enough. It’s a shame that we have grown so immune (pun intended) to these killers. The article brings up Dick Cheny’s 2002 proposal to vaccinate the entire country against smallpox, arguing that Iraq may have bioweapons and use smallpox against the US. Luckily, he was not successful, especially because of the thousands of deaths that would have resulted and the lack of evidence of bioweapons in Iraq. The swine flu threat really reminds me of the War on Terror and other discussions on threat construction.

Another side of the article was prejudice.The pork industry  is frustrated at their losses due to ignorance of how swine flu cannot be spread via pork, and now they want to call it ‘Mexican Flu’. It is infuriating to me how some people only care about prejudice when it is directed at them. In order to not perpetuate the myth that pork carries swine flu, let’s peg it on another carrier – Mexicans! Despite the fact that if you have not been to Mexico, you are not likely to be in contact with the virus, swine flu has fueled bigotry against an already marginalized minority group. Employers refuse to hire Mexican workers, and customers are avoiding Mexican restaurants. I can already see how it might turn into a biological argument about how the Mexican gene pool makes them susceptible to disease, harkening back to the days of eugenics. I think its funny how we talk of employment equality and lack of prejudice, but as soon as a pandemic hits, we go back on our word. I guess it takes a pandemic to expose the bigotry of our society that we usually cover up.

Swine flu has made its way into Oxford

Part of the Oxford experience is the academics, and trust me – in at least this one respect I can be confident that I will have had my share of Oxford culture. However, I’m not so sure whether this one class can be considered reflective of Oxford academic life. Every term, a Stanford prof teaches a class at Oxford to the Stanford study abroad students, and this term the class is called, “Smallpox: Lethal Legacy, Forbidding Future”; a wild and crazy class taught by an equally wild and crazy (though lovable) professor (safaris in Egypt, sky diving in volcanoes). Part of the course component is to post current events about related material to a “New and Hot” blog. Since my “New and Hot” is an issue that I am  passionate about and hits quite close to home (literally), I want to share it with you all.

-Enjoy!

As a lifelong Washingtonian (having been born in Crystal City), there is no lack of material for me be proud of. We believe that the whole world revolves around our demure, yet dignified, city, and I am constantly finding myself holding my nose up when surrounded by the less politically cognizant. Sometimes the Redskins have a pretty good season too..

However, while doing reading for my New and Hot, I stumbled across some surprising news in the New York Times that forced me to retreat in embarrassment: Washington D.C. has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in the country (I always assumed it was San Francisco). According to the D.C. 2007 Annual AIDS Report, 1 in 50 D.C. residents are living with HIV/AIDS; compare that with 1 in 7000 nationwide. Heterosexual transmission, especially among adolescents, is increasing, underscoring the need for for effective sex education. Meanwhile, MTC (mother-to-child) transmission has increased as well, which is especially disconcerting considering that these cases are easily preventable with routine testing and drugs. Even though blacks account for 51% of the DC population, of the 12,400 PLWHA (people living with HIV/AIDS), 81% are black.

Concurrently in the Times, Tom Friedman laments racial disparity in our schools and economy (link). The disproportionate infection rate among blacks is a sad and brutal reminder that in a city with the most powerful people in the country, racial inequality still plagues its neighborhoods, and the consequence is life or death. It also warns that the problem is not as easy to solve as the superficial “Free Condoms for Everyone!” approach, but that much deeper social issues need to be resolved in order to truly address HIV/AIDS.

Changes need to happen and they need to happen fast. Fortunately, HIV/AIDS has become a more pressing item on the political agenda;  Obama’s first days brought some sorely needed change to this country’s AIDS policy, including allowing federal funding for clean needle programs and comprehensive sex education. We will see if America can clean up its act — for my hometown and for America, I will keep my fingers crossed.

5/4/3 Updating my blog right before time to sleep is such a great way to end and reflect on the day. However, I have  never felt more tired in my life.

When I was the captain of my high school policy debate team, we taught the novices how to make small events turn into catastrophes. We called it, “the Nuclear War game”. Basically, we give you a random event (say, buying a dozen roses) and you have to link that to nuclear war (roses are mainly manufactured in Latin America; in supporting the import of roses, you are creating empirical economic incentives for politicians to bolster free trade laws; free trade hurts American workers, which tanks the economy; we slip into depression and start nuclear war.)

Here is one for you: How do you link your dog taking a piss to the homicide of three Pittsburgh cops?

Answer: Urinating dog triggered argument resulting in 3 officers’ deaths

After oversleeping my meeting with my academic adviser, I spent my morning procrastinating by reading CNN and the wikipedia page about the Manson Family murders. I’m guessing that most of my generation has never even heard of the 1969 slayings, but from reading comments on other sites it seems like it was one of those unforgettable and horrifying events.

A quick summary for those who don’t know: A satanic cult led by Charles Mason and consisting of Tex Watson, Susan Atkins, and others, committed mass murder on two consecutive nights in LA in 1969 (known as the Tate/LaBianca Slayings). The more heart-wrenching murder was at the home of actress Susan Tate – her husband director Roman Polowski (the guy I associate with the Pianist and hiding from a statutory rape charge in France) was in London at the time. Eight months pregnant, Tate begged for the life of her child, to which Atkins replied, “We don’t have any mercy for you, Bitch”. Now, Atkins has terminal brain cancer, cannot live longer than six months, is an amputtee and confined to a wheel chair, and has petitioned the court for compassionate release so she can die in the presence of family and friends. Even Bugliani, her original prosecutor, supports her petition. The court unanimously turned her down.

For anyone who has heard my opinions about the death penalty, you will probably know what my opinion is. I really want to know what other people think about this, so please leave your comments!

4/5/3 Depressed by all the news,  Jack Johnson’s The News solemnly playing in my mental sountrack – A billion people died on the news tonight. But not so many cried at the terrible sight

Fmylife.com is a must in any procrastination toolkit. Usually I just laugh at how stupid most people are and click on You Deserved It (because they usually do). Unless it really does fuck up their life for real, in which case… its kinda funny that the first thing they think to do is to post it on fmylife.

But today when I was browsing (and trying to make productive use of my insomnia), I stumbled across this post:

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say “You… want me… take picture?” while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says “No thanks asshole. I got it.” in plain english. FML

Of course, everyone knows the obvious initial response. The fact that it is 69k to 3k YDI to Yeah that sucks! is evidence enough of the outrage this has caused, not to mention reading the biting comments.

I’m here today to write a defense of Daftly Racist. Yes, we all know that what Daftly did was pure prejudice, rudeness, and idiocy. It’s the kind of thing that we don’t tolerate among our self-respecting, morally superior, unprejudiced folk. Thank god we never have to be judged by millions of internet procrastinators. We can guilt-free click the “You Deserved It” button and smirk at our purer moral composition. Because amongst our class, prejudice doesn’t exist and we operate in a judgment free world.

Isn’t it funny how we are taught to not judge, but those same teachers repeat the maxim that “first impressions are everything”? We can never free ourselves from our judgments (see this post for a fuller explanation). Isn’t it better to acknowledge those prejudices and do our best to mitigate them, rather than brush them aside and claim to have conquered them? How can we combat the enemy within ourselves and others if we don’t force it to the border of our inner psyches?

Daftly’s courage in posting is aptly refreshing. In a society where to exhibit the slightest bit of prejudice is cause to raise noses (and ironically, form judgments), to have the balls to admit fallacy in prejudice should be applauded, not condemned.

4/2/3 Insomnia mostly, but still proud that I can voice a semi-cogent argument at 6 in the morning.

Special Olympics Ad

This Special Olympics ad highlights the emotional charge that the “r-word” carries (www.r-word.org). The campaign to eliminate the use of the word retarded rides on the coattails of Obama’s highly publicized derogatory comment about the Special Olympics.

I’m not trying to be morally superior. Today I was at Castro Street getting dinner with a friend, when I made a comment about how “retarded” I was. I quickly realized my mistake, apologized, and replaced it with how “stupid” I was. Everyone is prone to it, it’s been so much a taken for granted part of our casual lexicon, but the point is that once we become aware of our choice of words, we can eliminate and replace harmful words in our vocabulary.

I didn’t realize that language could be so powerful. Like many, I thought that words were just meaningless, and that there could not possibly exist the hyperbolic attitude so vilified by disability advocates. However, while reading the forum I stumbled upon a very insensitive comment on the r-word website that exemplifies the exact kind of attitude that they want to combat. I would like to excerpt a bit here:

..those who fight so hard to have people stop saying [retard] is, well, … retarded..Don’t you think we could use our time and resoucres to attack a larger issue in this country. I mean what about the economy? you talk about intolerance, we just voted in a black president for christ’s sake, what planet are you from to say we need more tolerance for people who are “mentally challenged, or metally reatarded”, use your time and resources to counquer something more productive instead of fighting something that doesn’t exist, you freakin retards… (read the whole thing here)

I’m sorry cptwinks, but your comment exactly brings sympathy for the cause you berate so much for its “vacuity” and “insignificance”. I wasn’t fully a supporter of the r-word campaign until I read your comment, because now I realize what kind of bigotry and insensitivity pervades our society. The first thing I did was to look up the denotation of “retard”:

retard verb |riˈtärd| [ trans. ]
delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment : his progress was retarded by his limp.
noun |ˈrēˌtärd| |ˈritɑrd| |rəˈtɑrd| |riˈtɑrd| |ˈriːtɑːd| offensive
a mentally handicapped person (often used as a general term of abuse).

Even my apple dictionary is more sensitive than cptwinks. For a moment, let’s grant the dictionary definition and examine what we usually mean when we say “retarded”.

He’s so retarded: We don’t actually mean that he is mentally handicapped; when’s the last time you heard someone comment about a student with learning disabilities, “This is my student Peter, he’s so retarded”.  What we mean is that he is as stupid as someone who is mentally handicapped, and we mean that in the most derogatory sense. The implication is that the only characteristic of mentally handicapped individuals is their stupidity, and we mean that in the most derogatory sense.

I had a neighbor who was born with Down syndrome. He was one of the sweetest guys I ever met. When the phrase, “He’s so retarded” will come to mean “He’s so sweet” is when I will agree with cptwinks in affirming that the word “retarded” is inconsequential.

We do not accept the use of the phrase, “that’s so gay”, so why do we tolerate “retarded”? We respect the feelings of gay people, but not the feelings of the mentally handicapped. What’s even worse is that, our use of the word “gay” is usually deliberate; we are aware of our offensiveness and deploy our labels strategically. When we say “retarded”, we don’t even realize the impact we have. That the mentally handicapped are not even a group of people whom we consider to be worth insulting speaks volumes towards showing how much we actually do care about their feelings. To not even be a recognized group that we include in our sphere of decency; that’s the biggest blow of all.

Finally, although this might be a bit of a tangent, I want to address another false assumption in cptwinks’ comment. To claim that because we elected a black president means that we’ve somehow managed to rid the entire country of prejudice (not even just racial prejudice) is just ridiculous. I’m sure that if Obama knew that him winning the election meant forfeiting the fight against prejudice and declaring it won, he would have given up the presidency. To rubber stamp all battles against intolerance and insensitivity as useless because of one victory is completely counter to the entire progressive ideal. Instead of facilitating progress, victories insert a huge road block. To me, this is just an excuse for laziness and a justification for tolerance of our intolerance.

If you care about this issue, there are a few ways you can help:

1. Start catching yourself whenever you say “retarded”, and do it out loud so your friends hear you too.
2. Start correcting your friends whenever you hear them say it. They might find you annoying at first, but they will soon start to catch themselves.
3. check out www.r-word.org and sign up for their community if you’re interested!

4/2/3 After writing my opinions, I’m a little less upset about the contents of my last post. I am however, still deadly tired.

What a crazy world we live in…

this is just a short addendum to my post last night: A 17 year old in Germany shoots and kills 15 people, including students and teachers from his old high school, and others along the chase away from police.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/03/11/germany.school.shooting/index.html

Hope everyone is staying sane in the midst of finals week studying!

Right now my ears are burning (partly because of tiredness, partly because my friend just called me a monster, and partly because I just had an angry conversation when he mentioned my ex-boyfriend).

I must be losing my mind. Today I emailed my physics TA saying that I forgot to put my name on my problem set. Small problem that was causing me minor worries. She replies saying that on the last problem set, I didn’t turn in the first page – which therefore not only didn’t have my name on it, but also didn’t have the first two problems. I went to my mailbox to retrieve it, thinking that the first page must’ve been ripped off. No such luck, the second page was perfectly stapled and there was no sign of another page being ripped off. I must be going crazy.

Luckily my TA let me resubmit the homework if I found the first page (nix – I cleaned my room last weekend, cleaned out my binder, and threw out my recycling). Instead I just had to redo those two problems. Not a big deal, but these types of small minor tasks cause me more stress than necessary. The fact that I have to remember to turn this in tomorrow subconsciously pulls at the back of my mind while I am writing my research paper about ancient Chinese medical childbirth rituals. It’s because of my neuroticism that I am going to die at a young age.

I’m also very antisocial recently. I don’t even have the time to slow down and talk to my friends for a few minutes. Today after dinner, my friend bumped into me in the cafeteria and walked with me down the hall, hoping to have a conversation with me. In my hurry, I was powerwalking and talking to my friend trailing behind me. My body language clearly said, “I don’t have the time to spend 10 seconds listening to how your day went.” I haven’t spoken to my roommate in three days. In the morning we wake up and go about our morning ablutions, when one of us walks in the room, the other doesn’t look up, it’s like we have this tacit agreement that during finals season, we just don’t have the energy to be social.

Last week, My Crush said to me, “we should talk, do you want to take a walk sometime?”
“Ok sure”
“How about next week?”

Stanford students are going crazy.

Today an Alabama man shot and killed ten people, including his mother, grandparents, aunt and uncle, and random passerbys including a child. Five heads were discovered in ice chests in Mexico.

Everyone is going crazy.

M/ST/PT: 2/2/2

Averaging five hours of sleep a day, early onset dementia, my friends think I’m a monster, how could it get any better?

If you are interested in knowing, my typical schedule these days is as follows:

7:40 am – wake up, feel very very very cold, but take hot warm shower, feel even colder after getting out of shower
8:00 am – eat nice relaxing slow breakfast of toasted bagel with scrambled egg whites and tomatos + high caffeine tea while finishing reading for research project or making last minute edits on Chinese lit paper
9:00 am – go to human physiology and physics classes
11:00 am – crash in bed
2:00 pm – realize that I’ve missed lunch, am late for lab meeting at hospital with principle investigator of research team, decide that since I’m late I might as well take my time
2:15pm – arrive at hospital to find out that meeting has been canceled
2:30 pm – the only person to attend physics section, meanwhile down a bottle of ensure to make up for skipped lunch
5:00 pm – go to Costco to pick up prescription which was promised to be ready. It’s not ready. need to go back tomorrow. Asked my friend to drive me by saying we would go to In N Out across the street, which has no vegetarian options.
8:00 pm – Study in Green library until midnight, when I take a one hour midnight breakfast break
1:00 – 3:30 Study in computer cluster, but these really annoying kids are talking too loudly about chem, so I study in the freezing hallway, and now I have a cold.
4: check the alarm to make sure its set for 7:40, and then SLEEP!!!

Well, it’s 1:45 now, and just in case you’re wondering, I’m going to sleep now, and I’ve set my alarm for 5:45. Well, I’ll probably watch some Monk first, because of the stress induced insomnia.

Please everyone who is in finals right now, take better care of yourself than I am!