Dearest __:

Sometimes after you leave I think to myself: Oh why did I do that, it is moving too fast and making him uncomfortable. Like when I keep asking: “are you sure?”.   I also cant lie: sometimes, changing hurts, like it really makes me feel sad. The same feelings sometimes pop up again, like “no matter how hard I try to get close to him, he still pushes me away”. But then I remember that this is a learning process, that I have to learn to be more patient and let things develop naturally, rather than expecting all the results to happen at once.

You know that I am trying to change. I am trying really hard, because I know that this is healthy for me. But I know that I sometimes make mistakes, and I hope that you can understand and try to be forgiving towards me. It’s difficult to change the habits that I’ve had for 20 years! =P I think it would help me if you could communicate with me exactly what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with, rather than have me guessing. And if I do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you should tell me sooner rather than later. I can’t lie, I know that at first I might get a little upset, but I think in the long run I will understand and its better for us. I am also trying hard to change my easiness at being pissed off, but like I said before I need some slack, please try not to get mad at me if I do that. Just point out to me: Crystal you’re just getting pissed off for no good reason again. Thus, just as I am learning to be patient with you, please be patient with me as well.

Also I want to thank you for forcing me to change. I am a very self-destructive person. That means that, I do things even though I know they are bad for me. Before, I never changed for anybody. I had the attitude: this is who I am, if you don’t like it too bad. My mom told me that this attitude was going to cause me to never get married or have a really horrible marriage. But I didn’t care. I didn’t change for anybody: not my family, my boyfriend, my friends. But since meeting you, our time together has made me realize that my self-destructive habits really do cause me to miss out on a lot of potential happiness, and that I don’t want to destine myself to a miserable life.

Finally, I want to thank you for changing for me as well. Because I know that I pushed you to do somethings that you were not used to. I really appreciate it and I know it must mean that you do like me.

I think that no matter how difficult the journey is and how many obstacles we run into along the way, as long as both of us want the same thing and are willing to put in effort, we can succeed. Our conversation tonight made me feel a lot better, because now I know that you are also willing to try to make this work.

Sincerely,

Crystal