It is 12AM. After only sleeping three hours, a two hour rowing practice, and a formal dinner, I thought that I would go home and zonk out around 9pm. That’s what my body was telling me to do anyways. Three wasted hours of laying in bed later, I am still awake.

I retract any hypotheses I made earlier as to the cause of my current bout of insomnia. I know now that the inexplicable stress, stomach queasiness mistaken for hunger, muscle tension, can all be explained by one reason:

Subconsciously, I didn’t want to sleep because I was scared of having the same nightmare again.

A week ago, my most recent ex-boyfriend appeared in my dreams. In my dream, he had a new girlfriend, who I not only met but had to become friends with. She constantly asked me if I was ok with their relationship. She was white, which brushed some of my social insecurities and innate feelings of inferiority when interacting with that racial group. That night was when my sleeping problems started. I went from sleeping at 10 and waking up at 6 to sleeping at 3 and waking up at 12. Last night I dreamed about him again.

I thought I was over him. I hadn’t given him the slightest thought for months. Why is he coming back to bother me now? I can’t afford to have this continue so early in the term. Does anyone have good suggestions? I’m going to try sleeping to music so I can think about other things.