How many times can one person endure being put down by another? What if the one putting you down is the same one you are in love with?

My boyfriend broke up with me over a year ago, but I still cling to his memory. Even though he always reminds me that there is no future for us, I still reach out to him.

The past few months have probably been too good to be true. I took a chance and dialed his number, but this time, instead of telling to move on, he actually called me back; and kept calling back. I can’t believe that eventually, he even liked me again, and invited me to visit him at school. We spent an amazing week together, waking up to lazy weekends, visiting the park, playing computer games – it didn’t really matter what we were doing, just that we were doing it together. When I was with him, I felt safe from all the forces of the outside world. When I was with him, I felt like no matter what happened to me, everything would be alright. He was my otter, he made me feel carefree.

When he told me that he wanted to come visit me, I started dreaming of apartments,  cars, and dogs that we would share together. I started thinking about whether I should buy or rent a car to pick him up from the airport, whether to book a hotel, how to have a perfect weekend. But I also wanted something more. I wanted to be loved in return.

But in the end, it’s always the same.

I opened myself up to him, and he didn’t want me.