I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend.

We were high school sweethearts and stayed together through my first two years in college, for a total of four years. Two boyfriends and a year later, I still cannot forget him. This blog entry is a part of my mental memory dump to shift him from brain to paper, so that I might finally erase him from my consciousness. Read here for a fuller explanation and for the first part of the story.

As I left Chinese school, I couldn’t help but laugh at how obvious you were; challenging my friend to a race in the middle of the hallway so you could show off to me?

As luck would have it, we both walked into the same math classroom on the second floor. Linear algebra with Ms. Baker was so boring, thank god you sat next to me to keep things interesting. Throughout the course, if I wasn’t either doing my math homework, or doing homework for another class, then I was probably stealing glances at you, wondering if you were doing the same with me. Our math classmates placed wagers on, in the vulgar terms of a high school senior, when you would “get in [my] pants”. Kids don’t grow up much from elementary to high school do they? When Ms. Baker asked for volunteers to demonstrate something by hands, you immediately volunteered after I did. Our classmates “ooohed” just like stereotypical fourth graders. One time in class, after we had started dating, you had your hand laid behind me on my seat. In the middle of her lecture, Ms. Baker walked down the aisle and forced you to keep your hands to yourself. For some reason I have that moment engraved into my memory, especially the look on her face as she used her arms to gesture, “apart”.

We had a pretty symbiotic relationship in math. You were brighter than I was, but I was harder working. I let you copy my homework during lunch, and you would help me with the harder problems. I let you do all the work on our collaborative tests. Well, sometimes I just pretended to need help so I could spend more time with you. I remember one time after school we were sitting in the front lawn, leaning against the ugly white blocks that covered our school front. The weather was so beautiful and the wildflowers were in blossom. You had your arm around me, even though it kept you from writing your homework. You were a senior, so it didn’t matter anyway.

I guess I did actually learn something from that math class.

4/4/3 Trying to fall asleep but can’t, and have lots of work due for the end of the year.