a black hole is a region of space in which the gravitational field is so powerful that nothing, including light, can escape its pull.

-wikipedia

I love the night.  I just want to hide in it forever. I feel so safe, so peaceful. The darkness wraps around me like a blanket, protecting me from reality.  If only darkness were my lover then I wouldn’t need anyone else.

The first signs of dawn shine through the window, but I don’t want to face the day. Let me pull the covers over my head to extend my pretend world just a bit longer.

What is the reason to wake up? So I can go through this cycle again? I’ve already lost track of days. How many days have gone by? When was the last time I was awake when the sun was up?

I feel like I’m sinking and it’s getting harder and harder to break out.

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I haven’t written a new post in about two weeks, since I left Oxford and arrived home. I once wrote that if I ever stopped blogging, then it meant that things in my life were going so well that I didn’t need to blog to vent my feelings. I realize now that the opposite is also true, that a long hiatus could indicate a relapse of depression. It’s amazing how strong a force your mood can play, how it can spill over into all areas of your life. How you start to make excuses for yourself, let things slide, until eventually, you lose all inertia to start anything anymore.

It started with needing a break from school, and then being so busy from my camp counselor job, then needing a break after than, until before I know it, it’s already the middle of summer and I still haven’t studied for the MCATS which are at the beginning of August. Today I woke up only because my brother needed a ride to the mall. That must’ve been a blessing in disguise, because I decided to pack my backpack and camp out at the mall bookstore to study.

Thank you to all my readers who have kept up with my blog, and especially to those who posted comments. I opened my inbox today to find occasional comments posted here and there. I could see the comments coming to life and asking me when was the next time I was going to post? It’s nice to know that there are people who care – even strangers.