Continued from Pre-Valentine’s Day Migraines

We’re in bed, arms wrapped around each other. You make me feel so relaxed, like I can forget about all the other burdens in my life. Look at your eyes, they’re so beautiful when they are looking at me. I bite my lip.

“I have something I want to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“Promise me you won’t be scared or stressed or angry with me”

I turn away from you and take a deep breath.

———

“I don’t understand why you want to break up with him. You guys seem to be really close,” my roommate questions me from the bed below.

From my bunk, I hesitate for a moment.

“I just haven’t felt that moment yet, where I knew that I wanted to be with him. I feel like, yeah – we enjoy being together and its fun an’ all. But maybe I’m just wasting my time with someone who I can never feel anything more for.”

“But there’s no reason to break up with him. Just give it some more time.”

“It’s been four months. I’ve been waiting and hoping that that moment would come. That special moment where I suddenly feel something profound. There’s just no spark.”

“What kind of moment are you waiting for?”

——————-

I lay paralyzed on the bed with my head in between my hands. The pain is so much I can barely understand what my mom is asking me to do. He is sitting at the end of the bed, helpless in our exchange.

“Mom, I can’t do it. My head hurts too much.”

“It’ just a headache. You cant get out of your responsibilities! You’re so lazy!”

Her loud voice hurts my ears. It’s like when the feedback from the microphones makes everyone shut their ears and cringe. I let out a cry.

“Stop faking it!” She yells louder. I’m crying heavily now. ”What a cheap strategy for a selfish girl like you.”

“Stop!” He rises from his seat and point his hand at my mom. ”Can’t you see that she’s in pain? Let her rest.”

We are shocked, because he is always so quiet and usually doesn’t stand up for even himself. Dumbfounded, my mom shuts up and closes the door behind her.

————-

“And that’s how I fell in love for the first time,” I told my roommate the whole story of me and my high school sweet-heart.

“Well Valentine’s Day is coming up, maybe something will happen,” she offered.

“Psh. That’s too cheesy.”

—————

My pain is so acute its as if someone stuck a pin behind my brow. I’m crying and screaming under the covers, holding my head between my hands. Eventually, the pain settles down and so do I, only holding back the occasional sob.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” He asks.

“The light from your computer is bothering me.” I respond, coldly.

“Ok. I’ll leave.”

You pick up your laptop and make your way towards the door while my heavy eyelids lead me towards somnolence. You’ve done everything you could for me: delivered water, helped me into my sleeping clothes, removed my contacts; and now I’m kicking you out of your own room.  My vision of you blends into the wall and all I can see is a dark brown blur heading away from me. I smile, even though I’m in the most severe pain I’ve ever experienced, because I have found it in the least expected of moments: I realize that I’m falling in love with you.

————-

“Aw, why would I be angry at you? I LO-HOVE you too.”

“That’s a joke, right?”

“Yeah.”