I try really hard to not be neurotic, but everything tends towards the state of lowest energy.

I pretend to not care about my grades. I pretend that I know there are more important things in life than the three digits of my GPA. But that’s only because I know I will be fine. It’s like the rich man claiming to not care about money.

I’m freaking out about taking the MCATs. I have to test in less than a month, and I really don’t know anything about chemistry. I also can’t motivate myself to study – after only studying for a few hours a day I stop and make excuses for myself about how I can’t possibly absorb anything more. And then I start to think about how if I don’t do well on this test, I will not get into a good school – scratch that – I will not getting into my top choice school. How if I don’t get a high score on the science section, the admissions panel will take one look at my Bachelor of Arts degree and recommend that I try across the street at their law school.

When was the last time I took a standardized test anyway – four years ago with the SAT? And remember how silly you thought it all was after the fact? Stop worrying…

And it is 4:35 am and I can’t sleep, which means that my stress-induced insomnia has returned yet again.