6:56 AM England

I once heard someone describe jet lag as a blank slate, a new chance for your to set your sleeping schedule to what you want it to be. When I first arrived in England, I was going to bed at 10 and waking up at 6 every day. I figured, great! I don’t even need to deal with jet lag, I can just maintain this schedule.

When I go home from college, I often wake up after lunch time, sometimes even closer to dinner time, and stay out with friends until the early hours of the morning (around 7 am). My mom would tell me that I was not really an American because my natural schedule seemed to be consistent with China. That seemed perfect, considering I wanted to work in Asia after graduation.

Yet, it seems that no matter how often I switch time zones, whether I am in the US, China, or England, I will always be a night owl. I woke up today at 3pm, and still have not been able to sleep. I have the first rowing practice of the season at 12:30 followed by formal dinner, and the pressure of getting enough rest is making it even harder to sleep. Although insomnia is not new to me, it usually only happens around finals and comes with stress. Right now, I’m not experiencing much academic stress, but rather am experiencing a new kind of stress; a stress that comes with feeling uncertain and socially excluded.

The night hunger comes right when I think I might be able to ignore it if I fall asleep; a few hours of lying in bed with my stomach growling and keeping me awake until I finally give in and cook some soup. I also think that I am developing a tolerance for sleeping pills. I took a sleep aid, which I believe just has melatonin, around midnight, and did feel extremely tired. However I still could not fall asleep. Now I just have the queasy side effects but without the benefits of sleep.

Now my muscles are randomly spazzing. I think I might have no other choice than to stay up all day, go to my rowing practice, go to formal dinner, and pray that I have enough energy to make it through the day.

3/3/3