Ah woke up dis mornin’ to mah alahm clock at eight A.M. shahp. Guuurl, wah you do dis to yoself? You BIN sacrificin yo sleep sence da fust naichu got to Stanford. Ain’t nevuh bin any diffrent. Well, recently you been sleepin ovuh atchyo boyfrien’ house. Das diffrent.

Den ah had went into de kitchen to fin’ some cereal. Here go dat asshole from my dorm. Das de bitch yell at me free weeks ago ’bout stealin his sleepin spot in our dorm ski trip. Ah would’ve likeded to skin his ass. But den ah might could get in trouble wif de POlice. Ah dun even acknowledge his presence anymore, jus suck mah teef at him. Ah wish I didn’t haf to see’m. Den mah day wouldn’t staht off so bad. Can’ nobody do nuffin ’bout assholes. De wuhld’s jus full ov’em. Wah God can’ takum away, Ah’onno.

I be bikin to biochem class evry day. Today no diffrent. Biochem class so fah away, an i’ss hahd to bike in da rain. Ah’ma be gettin me a raincoat dis weekend. It don’t be steady rainin’ like dis in oduh places, do it? Anuduh girl come late, she has ran to class probly. Ah nevuh seen huh befoe. Da midtem tes not so hahd. Mah frien, she aks me what do ah tink. Ah’m like, i’ss pretty easy. She say i’ss hahd fuh huh.

Ah ain’t go to  dance class today. I be going to anoduh dance class tonight anyways. Allistuh is mah fren, Ah aks him could he be mah dance pahtnuh n he say yes. Da dance team captain, she come tellin me dat class is mandatory, like she know who ah am and what classes I been to.

When Ah got to neuro class, da class done stahted. ah almos fell ’sleep in dat class. I finna jus lay mah head on da desk right dere! Da prof talk to us so fas, ah don’t tink hardly no one can unduhstan him. Da odduhs in de class, dey is some crazy smaht folks. Las quahtuh I liketa failed one class. Ah don’t tink so fah mah grade is very good, but if ah work hahd enough ah might can get bah. Maybe ah should aks foh some hep in dat class.

Mah computuh has a pictuh of Shi Xiao Long, a Chinese Kung Fu stah. He so fine, I wish he were mah baby-daddy.

Ah done finished two exam so fah. Ah ain’t know iss a libry up heuh in de fof flo’ uhda maf buildin. Now Ah’m studyin in da maf library to prepare fo mah ebonics midtum. All dese tesses!

Written for purely pedantic purposes to help myself study for my Linguistics of African American Vernacular English class.