One hour ago, I sat down eager to write a new post with the most interesting updates about my time here. At 12:52 AM, I am still sitting in front of a blank document. Instead of viewing this as time wasted, I thought I might turn it into something productive by making my filler time the subject of this post because it gives quite valuable insight into my daily life.

I finally sat down and got around to answering (almost) all of my emails. Ever since I arrived, I have been flooded by emails, most of them advertising events on campus which are immediately archived without a second glance. The next group comprise a fair number about Oxford that need reply. These come from people I’ve contacted to see if I can join their club (Competitive Ballroom, Croquet, Cricket, Crew, Board Games Club, Choir, etc.), take their class (immunology, economics), or observe them at work (doctors at Oxford hospital to ask if I can join them at work for a day). During the week these emails are starred to deal with later, and since the weekend has come, I’ve finally managed to clear them.

Finally the most treasured yet most painful emails are from friends asking how I’ve been doing. For obvious reasons, treasured because they come from friends actually interested in how I’m doing; painful because when I receive them, I can only star them to mark for later reply when I have the time to give it the full and proper response it deserves – then that day never comes. From setting up activities and classes, to researching new activities to join, to actually doing homework, I have managed to leave my old friends behind in the dust.

I wrote before about the troubles I have with my email. Someday I’ll be able to break free of this constant struggle to maintain a clean inbox. In the meantime,  please be patient, a response will come and it will be well worth the wait!

I also uploaded the latest video diary and a recap of my spring break (I tried to condense it into 27 seconds so it won’t take long)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiloNZZSo1Y[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qiqx_QsqAIo[/youtube]

5/4/3 Feel very bogged down, with so many things on my to do list, and let’s not even mention school.

My friend and I started a competition to do nice things together.

Here are the rules: We set a schedule of tasks and do them. The number in parenthesis is the number of days allotted. Harder tasks get more days. Every time you complete a task, you must document it by sending an email. If you fail a task then you have to come up with a new task to add to the list. Anyone who wants to join us is welcome to, simply post a comment on this blog on the day that you completed it! Oh – and if anyone can think of a better name for this game, please share!

Here are the tasks for the next two weeks:

Friday: April 24 send a card to someone (cannot be a birthday card) (2)
Sunday April 26: give food to a friend (1)
Monday April 27: talk to someone about something they like to talk about. And you don’t. (2)
Wednesday April 29: leave someone a nice note (1)
Thursday April 30: give food to a homeless person (3)
Sunday May 3: eat at a new venue, (1)
Monday May 4: Ask someone out to coffee (2)
Wednesday May 6: cook a meal for someone (2)
Friday May 8: learn how to say hello in a new language (1)

Part of the Oxford experience is the academics, and trust me – in at least this one respect I can be confident that I will have had my share of Oxford culture. However, I’m not so sure whether this one class can be considered reflective of Oxford academic life. Every term, a Stanford prof teaches a class at Oxford to the Stanford study abroad students, and this term the class is called, “Smallpox: Lethal Legacy, Forbidding Future”; a wild and crazy class taught by an equally wild and crazy (though lovable) professor (safaris in Egypt, sky diving in volcanoes). Part of the course component is to post current events about related material to a “New and Hot” blog. Since my “New and Hot” is an issue that I am  passionate about and hits quite close to home (literally), I want to share it with you all.

-Enjoy!

As a lifelong Washingtonian (having been born in Crystal City), there is no lack of material for me be proud of. We believe that the whole world revolves around our demure, yet dignified, city, and I am constantly finding myself holding my nose up when surrounded by the less politically cognizant. Sometimes the Redskins have a pretty good season too..

However, while doing reading for my New and Hot, I stumbled across some surprising news in the New York Times that forced me to retreat in embarrassment: Washington D.C. has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in the country (I always assumed it was San Francisco). According to the D.C. 2007 Annual AIDS Report, 1 in 50 D.C. residents are living with HIV/AIDS; compare that with 1 in 7000 nationwide. Heterosexual transmission, especially among adolescents, is increasing, underscoring the need for for effective sex education. Meanwhile, MTC (mother-to-child) transmission has increased as well, which is especially disconcerting considering that these cases are easily preventable with routine testing and drugs. Even though blacks account for 51% of the DC population, of the 12,400 PLWHA (people living with HIV/AIDS), 81% are black.

Concurrently in the Times, Tom Friedman laments racial disparity in our schools and economy (link). The disproportionate infection rate among blacks is a sad and brutal reminder that in a city with the most powerful people in the country, racial inequality still plagues its neighborhoods, and the consequence is life or death. It also warns that the problem is not as easy to solve as the superficial “Free Condoms for Everyone!” approach, but that much deeper social issues need to be resolved in order to truly address HIV/AIDS.

Changes need to happen and they need to happen fast. Fortunately, HIV/AIDS has become a more pressing item on the political agenda;  Obama’s first days brought some sorely needed change to this country’s AIDS policy, including allowing federal funding for clean needle programs and comprehensive sex education. We will see if America can clean up its act — for my hometown and for America, I will keep my fingers crossed.

5/4/3 Updating my blog right before time to sleep is such a great way to end and reflect on the day. However, I have  never felt more tired in my life.

Hello!

My technologically challenged self has been playing around with i-movie and finally managed to upload a clip to youtube about my life here in England! Check it out!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6Ej1rVWJuI[/youtube]

6/4/4: Meeting a lot of people, classes getting underway, yet for some reason always feel very drained (perhaps the energy of a new place, perhaps a cold)

China, 8:30 am: four hour car ride from rural mountainous city to Kunming, province capital 

China, 3:20 pm: three hour plane to Hong Kong. six hour layover in Hong Kong, took the train half an hour into the city and shopped for three hours.

China, 11:55 pm: twelve hour plane, slept for ten and tailed off the flight with Twighlight (horrible movie). 

UK, 7:10 am: two hour bus from Heathrow Airport to Oxford, saw a huge “TO LET” sign, which I mistook for “TOILET”

UK, 9:00 am: arrive at Stanford house after 30 hours of travelling, finally get to take a shower and SLEEP in a bed

In Hong Kong and China, the customs officials are so friendly and inviting; you can even rate your experience with the official after you leave the station – I think the Chinese have the wisdom to know that customs is often the first encounter of a foreign visitor into your country, so hospitality at the border is extremely important in coloring a visitor’s impression. I arrive in England to the warm welcome of the customs agent lecturing me: 

- Why are you coming to the UK?

- I’m studying here

- When did you start to study here?

- I am just starting now

- Then you don’t say ‘I am studying here. That means that you already started and are continuing. You should say, ‘I will be studying here’

I didn’t realize this was immigration and grammar control. I suppose the British don’t like to let people with improper English past their border – too much dilution of their primly preserved language. But other than that first encounter, most of the other British I’ve met have been rather charming and at least decently nice folk. The biggest problem is that everything is obscenely expensive and I can’t seem to afford anything; combine that with not very delectable food, and I’ve come to two (positive) conclusions: 1) I’m going back to being vegetarian because meat is too expensive, and 2) I will probably eat less and have an easier time losing weight. Another stick in the side is the internet restrictions at Oxford: no peer-to-peer, no large media downloads, basically no use of the internet for anything non-academic. I suppose the Oxford IT services and the UK Border Control hire from the same pool?

Today is my first full day in England, and it’s off to a pretty good start. I woke up at 6 and jogged around the city for 45 minutes, exploring the meadow and streets surrounding the house. Came back to have a breakfast of peppermint tea and cheese while reading the news. I want to share these words of wisdom from an article in the New York Times: 

I would offer everyone the even less-palatable lesson that sometimes people make dumb decisions. Sometimes you decide to do something and then you wish you hadn’t done it, and that doesn’t necessarily make you bad or good, though it may make you sadder and wiser.

I submitted an FML last night, but it wasn’t selected. Nevertheless, I’ll publish it here:

Today I saw my mom for the first time since Christmas break. She asked me whether I was pregnant; after I denied it, she asked if I had gotten an abortion and hid it from her. Then she said, girls your age aren’t supposed to gain weight that quickly. FML

So after three months of being vegetarian, I actually gained weight. When I started the school year, everyone was worried about me because I looked so skinny. Now, everyone is commenting on how much fatter I got (they do that in China; it’s supposed to be a compliment).Today I went shopping and couldn’t even fit into the largest size pants in all the stores. A week before I came to China, I started eating meat again, justifying it on the fact that: I knew I was going to eat meat in China anyway, so why not start a week early?

I know why I failed at being a good vegetarian: 1) I never stopped eating lots and lots of sugary snacks (my achilles heel), 2) I didn’t exercise as much as I used to before I became vegetarian, and 3) I was hungry a lot and so went out for fast food late at night.

Despite my weight gain and my inability to continue, I still don’t consider my vegetarianism a failure. Since I’ve come to China, I have indeed been eating meat, but much less than I had eaten in my previous diet; I mostly eat some rice and lots and lots of vegetables. This isn’t because I’m trying to follow some strict regimen, but because I actually like the taste of vegetables and prefer to not eat much meat. In the end, that’s all that I wanted to get out of my vegetarianism: a healthier eating habit.

So, I’ve decided to scrap vegetarianism and continue on this new diet:

• continue eating lots of vegetables and little meat
• do not eat cookies or any other dry snacks (so hard! especially in China with so much good stuff to eat!)
• when I do want to eat a snack, have fresh fruit, or at the worst, allow myself to eat dried fruit. (very easy in China, have basket-fulls of fresh cherries, pears, apples, strawberries, and all sorts of fruits I’ve never seen)
• drink more water (I constantly have headaches from dehydration but never remember to drink)
• eat lots and lots of Indian food when in England (yay! looking forward to that)

I will continue updating about how this diet goes. And yes, it’s a good thing you didn’t make a bet on how long I would stay vegetarian.

So I finally caved in to this viral chain mail. Here goes…

1. I was born in Crystal City, Virginia, where the Pentagon is. I must admit I’m pretty flattered that they named the city after me.
2. My first word was “fei”, which means “to fly” in Chinese. I would excitededly point at the sky, clap my hands, and yell “Fei! Fei!” each time an airplane went by.
3. I went to one year of preschool in China, but the only thing I remember about it is having three teachers named Ms. Sheep, Ms. Cow, and Ms. Pig.
4. When I came back from China to enter school as a first grader, I couldn’t speak English and was enrolled in ESL (English as a Second Language). My parents also decided to enroll me in the optional French Immersion class, where we learned all our classes in French.After six years of French schooling, I can’t remember a single word.
5. Whenever I watch a show/public event/am in a situation where silence is expected, I have an urge to break out into song and sing really loudly. I once stood up from my desk during silent reading period in first grade and started belting out “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”. That was the first time I learned it was inappropriate to do so, but I still secretly do it in my head.
6. I have an amazing aptitude for surviving cold weather. I can mentally numb myself to coldness immediately just by telling myself to stop feeling cold. This comes from years and years of training waiting at the elementary school bus stop in winter. I would imagine that I was in a place colder than where I was at the time (homeless, antarctica), and feel better than I wasn’t there. Now I don’t need to go through the imagination step anymore. I also have a lot of empathy for the homeless.
7. My dream job as a kid was to be a panda vet. My pre-med academic adviser once asked me whether I had ever considered a profession other than medicine. When I told her, she said, “Well, that’s just a childhood dream, anything else?”.
8. I used to imagine that I was the girlfriend of cartoon characters. My favorite boyfriend was Little Foot, from The Land Before Time. Other ex-boyfriends include Simba and Aladin. What happened to Nala and Jasmine you ask? Of course they were no match for me. That seguays nicely into..
9. I loved dinosaurs as a kid. I slept with my expansive dinosaur figurine collection on the head of my bed. I watched the Fantasia dinosaur scene over and over (and cried every time the T-rex killed the stegosaurus).  My favorite book was about two Dinosaur skeletons breaking free from the museum and heading to the beach.
10. My earliest email handle was mushroomgirl, because I liked (and still LOVE) to eat mushrooms. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn until senior year of high school what it could imply when during a scholarship interview, my interviewers asked me to explain my email address.
11. In sixth grade, I had the biggest crush on the guy in our school known for being good at math. I even wrote a poem called “Dan Dan the Math Man”. I stopped liking him after I won first place in the school math competition and he came in second.
12. I enjoy giving people nicknames by sticking together two consecutive syllables in their name that normally don’t go together. e.g. Zabeth (Elizabeth), Ickel (Michael), Topher (Christopher)
13. I love to play mahjong. My ideal white noise machine would play the random clacking and shuffling, followed by the more ordered stacking, of mahjong tiles.
14. I never wear matching socks, but I can’ stand having socks of different thicknesses or lengths.
15. One of my favorite hobbies is to make miniatures out of sculpy and fill doll houses with them.
16. My current desktop wallpaper changes everyday to a different picture of my grandmother. My favorite is this one when she bought all the balloons from the balloon man for me.
    
17. I have an irrational fear of surfaces collapsing from weight. While I can usually control it enough to stand on higher floors of buildings, I absolutely freak out (i.e. mini panic attack) when things “land”. I don’t do well with jumping or bouncing balls. No wonder I hate basketball.
18. I collect shot glasses. My inaugural shotglass was purchased in a hotel giftshop in Paris. Since then, I’ve bought one wherever I go and my friends also know to buy me one when they travel as well. At my wedding, I plan to have all my shot glasses laid out and let each guest toast me with one.
19. I can do this with my hands:
    
20. I really enjoy playing road trip games, even when I’m not on the road. My favorites include: 20 questions, Guess my famous person, Contact, Trivia, telling riddles, and 7 degrees from Kevin Bacon.
21. It takes me forever to tell the time from a clock face. When I ask people what time it is and they offer me a glance at their analog watch, I tell them that I can’t tell time.
22. I love the the letter “J”. I want to name my kids Jeremy and Julia, and I often write these names over and over just to sweep my pen across first the tip and then the loop of the J. The rest of the words just become scribbles.
23. If I could be any other race, I would be an Indian, because they have the most beautiful women, the best food, and the coolest movies!
24. One thing I want to do before I die is open a really unique restaurant. I’ve spent my life collecting restaurant ideas. Right now the best one I’ve got is an Indian one called, “Naan Sequiter”.
25. No matter how much I resist following trends, I always inevitably follow them; but only when it’s not trendy to do so anymore (e.g. tights, bob haircuts, and this chain letter).

I dated this guy for four years from junior year of high school through sophomore year of college (“A_” from this blog). We broke up just this past June. It took me forever to get over him, and now we are even friends. Recently I was searching through old emails for something he sent me and decided to reminisce by reading old emails. Thinking that I would have fond memories of halcyon days, actually my main reaction was a churning in my stomach from the thick sugary sappiness.

Here are just a few of the many overly lovey-dovey epistles I wrote him:

Oh my love for the first time in my life,
I miss someone like i’ve never felt before.
Oh my lover for the first time in my life,
My heart aches ten times more
(Can’t remember if I was trying to quote a song or if I actually wrote this)

In your busy life, please remember to take a few minutes and think of me.  Trust me, i’ll know when you are.

My soul is shaking.  I want to break out of this cage and run across the ocean to you.  If you could know how much I long for you, how much you dominate my thoughts.  If I could just hear your voice, read one email, or a simple hello message left for me online, I would be happy.

I’m in geoscience right now but all i can think about is u and how much i am still stuck in the oral freudian phase

I just wanted to write to you and tell you how much I miss you and how much I love you

I think about you every second, almost; like when i was at a red light today for a really long time and i wanted to reach out my right hand and hold your hand.

Of course, my sappiness wasn’t un-reciprocated. In fact, it was probably learned from him. Here are his responses:

To a Wonderful Girl,

Hey beautiful stranger,

Before I went to sleep, I was laying on the matress, looking at the stars. I was listening to Jazz on my CD player and I was thinking, “It would be so nice if Crystal was here and I had one of those headphone split things so she could hear was I hear, see what I see, and feel what I feel.” The feeling was surreal. . I felt a bit insignificant, but mainly I felt a longing for your company.

I miss you so much. I sometimes can’t concentrate on what I am reading because I keep thinking about you. I love it when your hair is glowing. Like that one time in the car, the sun was at your back, I think it was setting. Then the edges of your hair has glowing red. It was really beautiful and I wanted to kiss you then, but I was driving.

I love you
I hope you smile when you see this
because i’m smiling as I write it
thinking of you
I love you
hey, thats kinda like a poem.
not really

Yours adoringly, affectionately, and admiringly,

Your true love,

I was absolutely in love with this guy for the longest time. Even after we broke up and I had been dating someone else for a couple years, I still thought that he was the perfect guy for me and that we would end up together. Read this essay he wrote about me after we met in a high school debate camp and you’ll see why:

Random Thoughts

By Me

I have a funny way of associating names with personalities and appearances. Joes are tall and bland; Michelles are cheery and energetic, making up for lack of insight with pure volume. Crystals…are strange.

During eighth grade, one of my friends, a typically pretty, sweetly innocent Monica, thought it would be hilarious if she gave me a blow-up girlfriend doll for my birthday. “Name it,” she urged me, leaning on a cracked white pillar of the English building. I just kind of stared at her. “C’mon,” she laughed. I rapidly thought of random names. “Crystal,” I muttered. Whatever. Just make her happy.

Discourse shapes reality, fuels social change and sparks grass-roots movements. Bleiker 2000. That’s the underlying paradigm of this workshop here in beautiful Potland, Oregon, where marijuana plants outnumber people. Words do have a strange power; writers can develop parallel universes, speak volumes, create lives. I’m terrible at that type of stuff. I’m really not that profound. I just try to add my own voice to things, just try to re-tell reality.

When I entered high school, there was a junior named Crystal. She wore about enough makeup to suffocate a dog and had a work ethic that was challenged by eating lunch. But she was nice enough, albeit slightly strange. Crystals must be slightly fucked up, I thought.

High school is funny. So are teenagers. The slightest crisis will put us over the edge; we create our own problems that in turn threaten to swallow us whole. Bloody love. That four letter word that destroys nations and consumes lives, especially those of us high schoolers.

Cynicism- it’s a concept that’s highly overused. I was probably the epitome of teenage cynicism. I guess it comes with being Asian, with hellaciously Asian parents. Happiness, love, blah blah blah. Birthdays? Dude. One of my earliest childhood memories is my mom screaming, “DON’T SAY THAT I CALLED YOU STUPID. YOU’RE SO STUPID. I’D NEVER SAY THAT!!”

One day, one of my friends told me, “One day, you’re going to fall in love and be insanely happy. You’re not truly cynical, you’ve just been taught to be that way.” I nodded at her. I hoped, but I wasn’t so sure.

I hate writing all poetically, with hidden and profound messages. Some masterful writers are able to pull it off beautifully- Hemingway’s “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place,” for example, is simply written but represents so much more. Me, I’m not that complicated or intelligent. I just tell it how it is.

I’m not some brilliant philosopher, some insightful analyzer of teenage thought. After all, I’m just 16 myself. And as hell would have it, I’ve fallen into my own self-marked trap of high school romance and drama. I’ve seen Crystals blossom from weird make-up machines to beauty. I’ve seen cynicism wither away until I can hardly remember that it ever existed.

I’m sure your friends will give me shit if they see this, but whoop-de-fucking-do. I’ve met some ridiculously gorgeous people, some disgustingly intelligent students, some obscenely sweet souls. But I’ve never seen anyone as purely, simply, honestly beautiful as you. I’ve never missed so one so much, never had anyone dominate my thoughts and actions the way my longing for you has. Fuckin’ a. I just need to see you again. At random parts of the day, I’ll play one of your messages that I’ve heard a thousand times just so I can hear your voice.

Crystal Yuan Zheng. I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone.