We are and have always been sexual beings. We don’t just suddenly become one when we hit puberty, or when we transition from cootie-phobes to having crushes on others, or when we start sex-education in schools. From the very beginning, we are aware of our bodies and explore them. Who among us can honestly say that they never curiously played with their body parts as a kid? I remember in music class in 4th grade, I discovered that placing the hardcover book in a particular way on my lap tickled me in a strange way I had never felt before. From then on, I was always reading; maybe this explains my above-average intellect. Another summer a few years later, my mom signed me up for gymnastics camp. There was this one stretching exercise where you spread your legs to do the horizontal splits, then bring your body forward so that your chest touches the ground. I suddenly felt something and it reminded me of the feeling in music class. I still stretch a lot even now, taking pleasure from my juvenile memories. The point is, long before I ever took a sex-ed class or knew what a clitoris was, I was already experimenting and discovering how my body functioned.

As kids, we are also fascinated with the body of the opposite sex. I don’t know why Adam and Eve ever felt ashamed of their nakedness. As kids, we love to be naked. We run around and make people laugh, and no one judges us. We also didn’t feel embarrassed when we saw other boys and girls naked. I have three younger brothers and as kids we took baths together. Sometimes I would poke their penises and laugh when it swung. But the majority of the time I was just having a fun time playing boats in the bathtub.

Somehow, through our life, exposure to various cultural influences has ingrained it in us that we should be ashamed of our bodies. This is the craziest thing, but I used to be ashamed of my feet. They were large, flat, and ugly. I could definitely understand why traditional Chinese women would want to bind their feet. Coming from such a background that associates daintiness with femininity, I hid my feet from public exposure at all times. During tumbling class in gym, when we had to take off our socks, I sat on my feet (if you are unfamiliar with the asian man squat, please click here: ).

Asian Squat

Then puberty hit. At first I didn’t understand what was happening to my body, or that it was inappropriate to talk about it. Around sixth grade, I noticed that two lumps were forming in my chest, and when I pressed on them it hurt. I liked to imagine that they were two large beans full of powdered milk that would spill out if I split them open. In the cafeteria one day, I shared my discovery with my friends, and they ridiculed me. After that, I never discussed my body again.

Age and shame about our bodies are inversely correlated. Remember back to a time when you were younger and enjoyed seeing your body naked. Then find that feeling again and feel sexy.