We all deserve to be loved

It is 1:19am on February 6th, which means I have exactly 7 days, 22 hours, and 41 minutes to find a date for Valentine’s day. Otherwise, I will be able to proudly mark 2009 as the first time I’ll be spending a Valentine’s Day single since I had my first boyfriend. In that case, I will call a girls’ night out, ask my roommate out on a date, and eat a romantic dinner followed by the new “He’s just not that into you” movie. Although I promised my roommate a Valentine’s Day date, she still remains doubtful that I will follow through because she believes that I am a siren with a magical ability to bewitch men.  Having lived with me for the past two years, she has heard all my guy stories that she can now recite them to eager new audiences. In fact, she is so confident in my powers that she predicts I will have a breakfast, lunch, and dinner date, each with different men, and she has already arranged alternate plans. Yet, so far, no lucky guy has ventured to ask me to be his Valentine.
During a late night conversation tonight with my hallmates, I lost my voice because we were laughing so much while my roommate and I were entertaining them with my guy stories. I don’t tell these stories to brag, it’s just that they’re the only entertaining part about my life. They were all trying to answer the question – what is it about me that attracts so many guys – when someone suggested that I should start a blog about my guy stories.

I am myself quite perplexed by this question. I don’t consider myself particularly attractive. Physically, I would say that I am quite average looking. I rarely bother with dressing myself up or wearing make up, so that most days I walk around as if I had just rolled out of bed. My complexion is quite bad, especially as a result of a self-destructive depressive phase during my freshman year in which I attacked my face and left it covered with scars. Although I am not fat, I do find pieces of fat bulging out due to poor eating habits – so I cannot boast a hot body.

I am a neurotic, alpha-type, uptight female with self-confidence issues, who has suffered from multiple bouts of depression in the recent past, and constantly allows my self-destructive habits to get the better end of me. I am anti-social, preferring to stay locked up in my room playing geeky online games rather than partying with classmates. Given a choice, I would rather not expend the energy to interact with people who I do not give a crap about. My mood swings from high to low at such fast paces that I don’t think even Usain Bolt could catch up. At a very superficial, cursory level, friends have described me as, as “interesting” and “ambitious”.

Of course, this blog is not only aimed to answer the question that my friends had suggested (although it was the inspiration for the blog). Yes, there are traits about me that make me attractive to others. On the flip side of the coin, there is something about me that prevents me from living life to the fullest. What exactly is the trouble with Crystal?

My hope is that through my blog, together with my readers, we can use my life as a case study to find a path to happiness. While I share my stories, of course I invite you to comment and share your stories as well!