This quarter I began a weekly tradition called ~Tea at Three~

A small group of friends (more of the – they are in my dorm so we are nice to eachother – type) and I began to make a point to leave our Sunday 3 o’clock to 4 slot open in our schedule so that we could drink tea, eat light snacks, and engage in random discussions. It’s something very unique to be able to have so many people consistently participate in any activity at Stanford. I don’t even attend my club meetings that religiously, but I would always make time for Tea, even during finals week. The topic ranged from our favorite quotes and books, to our life experiences, to philosophies about afterlife and love. Aside from the tasty snacks and well-timed study break, after ten tea sessions at the end of the quarter, the Tea gang had become some of my best friends at Stanford. We will be Tea-mates for life.

I will sorely miss ~Tea at Three~ while I am at Oxford. I finally fully experienced the feeling of friendship and genuine intellectual excitement that college is about. Isn’t it ironic how I had applied to Oxford because I felt so stranded at Stanford, only to be taken away at the moment when I felt like I most belonged?

Recipe to starting a successful ~Tea at Three~

Materials: hot water boiler, cups, various types of tea, assorted light snacks, something to serve as a table (preferably low – a box with a shawl thrown over it works quite well)

Location: Any room, although generally make the ambience quite peaceful, play relaxing and unobtrusive music, can move outside to enjoy nice weather. Rotating rooms is a good way to get to know others because they can show off their room and play their music.

1. Determine a group: very important! These people should be people who you do not know extremely well, but want to get to know better. It’s ok to have a close friend or two (we had roommates participate). Most of them lived in my dorm, because it is more convenient to get together casually. Keep the group small so you can get to know everyone and the conversations are deeper.
2. Determine a time: it should be a time when everyone is available, when generally there will not be meetings scheduled, and when people will not be working on last minute homework. Picking a good time is extremely important to minimize flakiness. It’s a bonus if it falls in a good study break time. We found that Sunday at 3pm worked extremely well. If you pick another time, well, you can come up with another smart name for your tea party.
3. Allocate responsibilities: Figure out who is responsible for what. Who has a hot water boiler? Who can bring what materials?
4. Reminder email: Send an email invitation the night before to give everyone a heads up. Use this chance to get creative! Use fancy stationary and include pictures of tea parties (iPhoto and Mac Mail are great). Write eloquently and pompously. Or, include a joke or something to think about for discussion. Sometimes I ran out of material and started to include pictures to have people guess the relevance; they usually were pictures of things that had happened on that date in history. Be creative!
5. Establish a quorum: Just kidding. But do wait for people to trickle in and expect people to be a few minutes late. Take this opportunity to boil water, pick out music, and chat with the early birds.
6. Check-in: Go around and let everyone briefly share how their week went (high points, low points, etc.). Also answer a check-in question that can range from the trivial (what is your favorite word) to the serious (explain the meaning of your name).
7. Spotlight: Focus on one individual. Have him or her tell her life story and share objects of importance (another incentive to host in your own room). Let people ask questions afterwards.
8. Themed discussion:Discuss a topic that you would never talk about otherwise. Like what you think maturity means, or what your favorite school experience was. These can be chosen in advance or offered on the spot. You can also pick special ones based on the day, for example our Valentines Day tea was focused on love.
9. Awkward glances all around: As people lose steam for discussion and run out of things to say, they will awkwardly start to look at each other in silence until someone pops up and says, “well, it’s four o’clock, gotta back to homework”. And that person will pop the bubble of enchantment that you have built around you that let you forget that you are in a world of books and school and deadlines, and you will fall into the pavement and realize that you have somehow come back to reality. And you will smile and hope that next Sunday will come soon.