Next. My middle finger automatically presses the page down key.

Next. Glance at each slide, condescending to give up the two seconds required to absorb the bullet points.

Next. When will teachers ever learn that if you post the lecture slides, no one will ever bother to come to lecture?

Next. Check the time in the corner of the screen. 8:22.

Eight minutes to brush my teeth and bike across campus. Where is it again? The syllabus is downloading, why won’t it go faster? Whatever. I don’t need good breath to take a final.

Page down. “Course attendance.” Screw that.

Page down. Got it! “Final exam information.”

Release the mouse over the red x button. Three words under “Grading Policy” catch my eye: “Weekly problem sets: 40%”. The pdf disappears.

Did I read that right? Dig through the downloads folder. Damn it, I downloaded too much crap. I can feel my heartbeat in my temples. Page down. Page down. Page down!

Weekly problem sets: 40%

No late assignments.

Shit. The TA’s are probably passing out exams now. Slip on some flip-flops and run out to my bike. It’s raining? Figures. No time to run in and get a jacket.

I hate this hill, and my bike’s too cheap to have functional gears.

“Done with your exam? Turn it in here.” She’s a red head. Probably the head TA. I guess I would know if I ever went to lecture or section.

“Um… Excuse me? I haven’t done any of the problem sets. What will happen to my grade?”

“You haven’t done a single one?”

“No.”

“Well…” She pauses. Nitpicky questions about the final, she was prepared to answer. Obviously she wasn’t expecting this concern. “I suppose your grade will be calculated with a 0 for 40% of the class.”

“So assuming I get perfect on all exams, the highest I can get is still an F?”

“Pretty much, yes. Why hadn’t you done the homework.”

“I didn’t know there was homework.”

“We reminded you in lecture.”

“I didn’t go to lecture.”

Running to the registrar. I hope they will let me drop the class. Why did I not take my bike? I’ll have to take another class to fulfill that citizenship requirement. The rain splatters my leg with each step. I step in a huge puddle. Splash.

——–

I’m sweating.

Thank God. It was just a nightmare. I’m not enrolled in any classes that I didn’t know about. I’ve done all the homework for all my classes. I won’t get an F on my transcript. I relax and breathe deeply. Today is Monday. The sky is dark, I must have slept all day.

Holy shit, what time is it?  My essay was due two hours ago.

———

My pillow is drenched. What day is it? Sunday morning, more than 24 hours before the deadline. I have this nightmare every quarter. Reality never tasted so sweet.

———

Dear Crystal,

We were surprised to see that you did not take the Econ final exam along with your 9am classmates last Wednesday morning; We could not find any communications in which you informed us about an illness or other reason why you would request the opportunity to take the exam a day later along with the 10am students.   Throughout the quarter, we reminded our Econ students that they were required to take exams corresponding to the course in which they are registered. We noticed earlier in the quarter that you were choosing not to participate at 9am lectures using the Student Response System, but this comprised only a very small portion of your grade.  Showing up at the wrong final exam is a more serious concern:  many of your classmates probably would have appreciated an extra day of study time, and indeed on the front page of the 9am (Wednesday) exam, students were asked to affirm that they would not “discuss the contents of this exam with anyone who will be taking the other Econ 1A exam tomorrow morning.”
—

Econ Grade: Incomplete

Maybe I would’ve preferred the dream.