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I love my white board. This blog is (almost) just like an electronic version of my white board. Ok, so I can’t draw organic chemistry molecules quite as easily, and people can’t pass by and doodle penises on it, but it’s pretty good at helping me to solve problems. I come to my white space with a puzzle, and start writing whatever is on my mind. By the end, no matter how roundabout, I’ve come (at least closer) to some sort of conclusion.

Many writers think that writing has to be about the end. Of course, we’ve all been trained to write that way in school, and for good reason. A professor would look dubiously on a thesis that presented its arguments haphazardly, and only reached a conclusion in the last paragraph. But not all writing is thesis writing. There is value in the thinking process. We all go through the thinking process, but we just don’t always record it for others to see.

I must admit that I have also fallen susceptible to focusing only on the ends. Sometimes when I write a post, I think and pre-write for a long time until I actually figure out what to say, then I delete everything write everything again in a logical and organized way. But I must remind myself of the purpose of this blogs. I’m not trying to convince anybody of anything. I’m trying to figure out my life for myself and share something of value to one or two people along the way.

Oh, I just caught myself doing it. Scrolling up to check if my previous paragraphs made sense. I pledge from now on in this entry to never use the scroll up button.

I guess this could be a metaphor for my life. I’m constantly trying to present myself as the final, mature, product, but the truth is that my life is like this empty wordpress space, still being filled and worked and reworked. I shouldn’t be embarassed or ashamed to make mistakes, appear immature, come off as less than perfect, because to do so is to assume something that I am not.

Take for example, a mentor, anybody – your boss, your professor, a professional in your aspiring field. I work with a doctor who just seems to be perfect; perfect job, perfect husband; perfect life. All I see is the perfect product, but how did she get from A to B? How do I get from me to her? It’s so intimidating, but if someone showed me the imperfections that occurred in her career then it wouldn’t be so bad. We work so hard to hide our imperfections – but we shouldn’t, because others can gain something valuable from them.

In fact, that is the whole premise of this blog. I know that I have a lot that I need to improve on. This blog was initiated because I made mistakes. I know that some people will judge me. I suspect that one day, the material will be used against me (job interview, med/grad school admission). But I’ve tried to be as open and sincere about everything because I believe that someone, somewhere, can learn from my experience.

Wow, this post started off as an entry about whiteboards, and ended up as a discussion of imperfection. Forgive me if my mind seemed to wander, because it did.

mood 6/ physical tiredness 5 /spiritual tiredness 4 -Pretty good mood today because I got a lot done and I started talking to my ex again. However, it is 3 am and I still don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, not to say, tomorrow.