I posed this question to both my roommate and my boyfriend.

“If you’ve been dating for one year, because then you’ve been through all the seasons. All the ups and downs.”

“Nine months. Sounds like a good round number. What do you think?”

“Three months,” I responded. They burst out laughing.

“That’s only because you can’t keep a boyfriend for any longer than that.”

Ok, so maybe I haven’t had a long-term relationship for a while. I just haven’t met someone who I absolutely meshed with, someone for whom the opportunity cost of being with them didn’t outweigh the benefits.

A new relationship is exciting. You’re getting to know a new person. Exploring new territory. Engaging in unfamiliar interactions, even if the two separate people are familiar. Ultimately, you’re learning more about yourself and gaining skills for the future. It’s a setting to mold yourself, without much investment and commitment. Isn’t that the attraction of playdough? That we can create any shape we want, adding indentations or chopping off arms, and know that in the end it doesn’t matter because it’s all just going to get smushed back into the playdough container anyway, and the next time we start afresh with a new playdough ball?

What distinguishes a long-term relationship? Greater commitment? A sense of purpose and direction? More emotional support and stability? And how long does it take to achieve that? How do I know when I want to throw in the towel and admit to myself and him that it’s not going to work out? Do I wait and expect that something will happen that makes me fall madly in love with him?

I suppose I should provide some context for my rambling. These questions have been running through my head recently, and if I’ve at all had contact with you in the last week then you probably know.

In the past, I always fell pretty hard and early for the guys that I’ve been attracted to. I meet them and know that I am attracted to them. Something about our interaction, it’s like they just seem to know me. Some physical attraction too, I won’t lie. I keep making excuses to see them, and I work hard until I get what I want. And I usually do get what I want.

I like my boyfriend. A lot. But the story goes a bit differently with him. We met two years ago living in the same dorm, and were decent friends since. Sometimes we hung out in the dorm, but we obviously had different interests and different friends. We never called eachother just to hang out, and I never really made it a point to see him. Just a couple of times, hanging out playing video games or singing karaoke. Oh and once, we went to a Mae concert.

Through various happenstances of chance, we ended up renting a room together for two weeks. I never had any romantic inclinations towards him, never made any advances toward him, and I didn’t even know if he was heterosexual. But I did know that our friendship became a lot stronger as we learned more about eachother, and started to find our differences rather amazing. So that’s why when on move out day, when he jumped under my covers to keep me warm, I just smiled.

I don’t know what I’m doing. Everything is so different. I’ve never dated a friend before – only people to whom I was attracted since the beginning. I’ve always chased after what I want, yet this came to me as if it were natural and effortless. That’s why I don’t feel that strong passion, as I usually do. But maybe it’s just the nature of this relationship. Maybe relationships that aren’t so intense don’t burn out so fast.

But what I’m wondering is: How long should I wait before I know if this relationship is something that I want to pursue and invest myself in? Should I end it before it gets too complicated, while we can still end on good terms and maintain our friendship; before anyone gets hurt? I have the impression that he likes me more than I like him; am I just cheating him, taking advantage of him?

I need some insights.

Just finished my shift at the Sexual Health Center. We were asked to write a pick-up line at the bottom of our shift entries. Here’s mine: I’m a backward machine. Turn me on first and then I’ll plug it in.