That was my friend’s response when I asked him how he was feeling. After hearing him out for a little bit, I suggested that he write about it and to publish it on my blog. I told him about how much blogging helped: to be able to write my feelings and thoughts down and share them with others, and then to receive words of comfort, support, and advice. Please read his thoughts below and share what you think.

Last year I broke up with my girlfriend of one and a half years. It was very much my fault, and I wanted to make it right. I could not believe I had let things get to the way things were. I needed to do something about it.

A lot of things kept me back. Jealousy, paranoia, the fear of losing someone were all present, especially since I was away from her for six months without having the slightest chance of meeting up. It was extremely difficult for me because of the potential to meet other guys (which she already had, prior to us breaking up). I just wanted things to be the way they were again.

I wanted her to love me again the way she had. Back then I would know that her interest was solely in me, that she would want to most of all hang out with me, and that she had the most fun with me. I have no problem with having other friends or anything, but at the end of the day I felt special. I miss that feeling. I miss having that. Will I ever be able to get that back?

I realize I probably don’t deserve any other chances, but I still do love her very much. I wish it were mutual. I really miss a lot of the things we’d do, even if they were silly like playing the Sims or Text Twist, or throwing pieces of fruit at each other, or some more crazy things like running around the halls chasing each other. I know that to her it was a different feeling breaking up than it was for me. For her it was more of a relief. Maybe she was right about me though. Maybe I haven’t changed and only care about myself.

I’ve been ignoring her because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never see her again and that nothing will ever happen again. But by thinking this, I’ve been ruining my chances. In less than a month I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again, but if I had done everything right starting from a year ago, maybe things wouldn’t be the way they are now. But it’s too late to look at the past. I’ve ruined everything. On top of all of this I keep caring about her hanging out with others and having fun. It’s no wonder she does though, seeing as I never ask her to hang out and don’t initiate any conversations online. Again, it’s because of the feelings that resurface when I do.

Should I even care anymore? Why do I care about the stupidest things? What should I do? I feel like I’m running out of time. I feel lost.